“Where there is great love, there are always miracles.” -Willa Cather

Digger: 2003 - 2005
Released to the Heavens

Part of being a good wildlife rehabilitator is learning not to become too attached to the birds and animals you work with. It only makes the release more difficult for you and the animal.

But once in awhile you have an experience that is so profound it changes the way you think about a lot of things. An experience that allows a very special bond to form, a bond so strong that unless you have experienced it, it’s hard to imagine. An experience so precious that you want to keep it all to yourself but so amazing that you want to share it with everyone. Such was the bond I shared with a tiny burrowing owl named Digger.

Our time together began on a hot summer day. It was a Sunday and I had a day full of wildlife “chores” ahead of me. I received a phone call from a man who had found an injured owl the night before. Since I don’t do a lot of work with birds of prey I gave him the phone numbers of another rehabilitator who does extensive work with raptors and has many years of experience doing so.

A short time later the same man called again. He was unable to reach anyone at the other numbers and he was concerned that the owl wouldn’t survive much longer. He gave me his address and my husband and I went to pick up the owl. We took a medium sized pet carrier with us, hoping it would be large enough for the owl. We didn’t expect to be handed a small shoebox when we arrived.

The family had been visiting relatives in the country the night before and on their way back to Rapid City they’d had a flat tire. There on that country road in that particular spot they stopped to change a flat tire and that’s where the owl was found by the side of the road. How different this story would be if they had stopped anywhere else.

When I opened the box and peeked inside I was surprised at how small the bird was. He was lying on his side and I was told that was all he’d been doing since they’d found him. Then the owl looked up at me and something in those huge yellow eyes convinced me that he deserved a chance. We took him home and I fully believed that he wouldn’t survive the night. I fed him a small meal and gave him some water and made him a comfortable place to lie.

I was shocked the next morning when I checked on him and found that he had survived the night. He was still just laying there on his left side, but he was still alive and a little more alert. And always those huge yellow eyes looking at me like he could see right into me. Thus began our very special two-year relationship.

Burrowing owls normally weigh anywhere from 155 grams to 200 grams, depending on gender. Digger weighed only 90 grams. He was a very small, malnourished juvenile bird. Radiographs didn’t reveal any fractures or injuries that could explain his inability to use his legs. So were we dealing with a nutrition problem? A congenital defect? Or nerve damage from being struck by a car?

He had a ravenous appetite, a determined spirit and those eyes that seemed so full of wisdom. We decided to give it some time and we began a physical therapy regimen.

Digger was hand-fed three to four times a day and at each feeding we did stretching and range of motion exercises with his legs. These feeding/therapy sessions became very special bonding times for us and I looked forward to spending time with the tiny owl. As a friend of mine put it, “He’s become the love of your life.”

Even though he had stolen my heart, I still looked forward to and hoped for the day that he could be released. There was nothing wrong with his wings and he could fly very well. If he could regain the use of his legs, could catch prey and maintain a grasp on it, he had a great chance of being released.

The time went by quickly and after 3 ½ weeks there was no change. He still only laid there on his left side. I remember thinking that if only he would lay on his right side, that at least would be a change. But in my heart I knew this couldn’t continue and that the humane thing to do would be to euthanize him. The next day was Friday, my day off. I decided that would be the day. It was going to be a sad day for me and I knew I’d be upset. I knew he would be looking at me with those yellow eyes that had grown to trust me so much.

Friday morning came and I was so dreading the trip to the clinic later that day to euthanize Digger. I was very sad as I walked to his cage to give him his breakfast. But when I got to his cage I was completely shocked. There was Digger STANDING by the door of his cage with a look on his face that said, “What took you so long? I’m hungry!” I laughed and I cried and I told him, “You have a guardian angel, my friend.”

Was this coincidence? Was there something else at work here? Did Digger somehow know that this was the day that he had to stand?

We continued our feeding/therapy sessions and eventually Digger’s legs were strong enough that he could perch and stand without any assistance at all. It was obvious that there was still something abnormal about his legs, but he had come a long way from the little owl laying in the shoebox. Would his legs and feet ever be strong enough to catch prey?

Over the next couple of months Digger continued to improve. He gained weight, now weighing in at 135 grams, and his legs grew stronger. But it was at this point that the progress stopped. In order to perch or stand he required carpet–covered perches and flooring material that he could sink his talons into and he never reached the point where he outgrew this need. It was also apparent that one leg was much weaker than the other. Our hopes for one day releasing Digger were dwindling.

I began exploring the idea of keeping Digger as an education bird. With a rehabilitation permit, birds can legally be kept for a certain period of time. In special cases and with special permission from the Migratory Bird Permit Office (MBPO) you may be able to hold a bird longer. With an education permit, a bird like Digger can be utilized in educational presentations. I submitted all the paperwork required for an education permit and waited to hear from the MBPO, knowing it would take some time.

Over the next several months our bond grew stronger. Though he could feed himself, Digger loved to be hand-fed. He made me laugh every day and was my constant reminder that magical things do happen. We shared a very special connection and at times he would look at me and it was as if he was saying, “I know.” That’s all. Just, “I know”, as if he knew the answers to all of life’s questions.

When I didn’t hear anything from the MBPO I made copies of my paperwork and submitted it again, explaining that this was the second time I was sending it in. About three months later I did hear from them, only to be told that now I’d held the bird longer than was allowed and I’d have to find someplace else for him to go. The woman from the MBPO was very nice and when I explained to her that this was the second time I’d sent in the paperwork (where did the first set of papers end up anyway?)-she agreed to talk with her supervisor about it and see if they would reconsider. I was just sick. I couldn’t imagine sending Digger somewhere else after all we’d been through together.

While I awaited the decision from the MBPO I began to notice some very slight changes in Digger. Nothing very obvious. He still had a big appetite, was active, alert and vocal. But at times I would see him on the floor of his cage rather than on his favorite perch. Considering the fact that he ate there on the floor of his cage, this didn’t seem that unusual. It just seemed like his little legs were weakening.

When I received the call from the same kind woman at the MBPO telling me that they were still unable to grant me an education permit, I was not all that surprised. Rules are rules. I told her that was probably okay since it seemed like his legs were growing a little weaker and I wasn’t sure how long he’d be able to participate in a program anyway. I told her I thought eventually I would have to make a different decision for Digger. She told me to notify her when that occurred and she’d mark the file.

Later that same week I received an e-mail from the MBPO basically telling me I must euthanize the owl and asking me when I thought I’d be able to do that. And if I didn’t euthanize him they would not renew my rehabilitation permit. I was shocked and angry. Digger was nowhere near the condition that called for his life to be ended. But I e-mailed them back, telling them I would take care of it on my next day off, which was three days away.

Only three more days to spend with my precious Digger. I spent those days struggling with the decision, knowing deep in my heart I would not be able to euthanize him. But also knowing I could lose my rehabilitation permit if I didn’t. A little voice in my head said, “You could lie about it.” I didn’t think I could bring myself to do that either.

I spent extra time with Digger on our last night together. He was happy and active. He ate a large meal and was chattering and flying from perch to perch. I went to bed that night still unsure of what I was going to do.

The next morning I stayed in bed longer than I usually do. I didn’t want to get up and deal with the situation. But knowing that Digger was probably waiting for his breakfast I got up, got dressed and went to his cage. I immediately knew something was wrong. He was leaning in the doorway of his hide box. His eyes were closed. He didn’t respond when I said his name. I said his name again only louder this time. Still no response. I opened his cage and picked him up and he felt cold.

His breathing was very slow and his eyes remained closed. I said, “Digger, you’re dying aren’t you?” And I just held him and cried and told him I loved him.

Right before he died he opened those big beautiful eyes and looked right into mine. I felt him saying, “Thank you. I love you, too. And now you don’t have to make any decision at all because I am making it for you.” And then he was gone and my heart was broken. For a second time I was spared from making the painful decision to end his life.

I like to think that Digger was thumbing his nose at those in authority who thought they could control what happened to him. And even though he was never officially given the title of an education bird, he taught me some of the most valuable lessons I will ever learn.

• He taught me about the incredible power of the will to survive.
• He taught me about the tremendous amount of trust that such a small creature
  can place in one who should be an enemy.
• He taught me that sometimes even the most hopeless deserve a chance and not to give up too soon.
• He taught me that we don’t really have as much control over things as we like to think we do.
• He taught me that “where there is great love there are always miracles”. (Willa Cather)

I have shared Digger’s story with close friends and family. I still get very emotional and teary and it’s difficult for me to talk about it. I asked a former co-worker if she thought it was all just a big coincidence.

She told me, “Mickie, coincidence is when God chooses to remain anonymous.” Another friend told me, “Mickie, God comes to us in the things we know and love.”

So this is what I believe. I believe that Digger was sent to me as part of a plan, a plan to change the thinking of someone (me) who has always been a Doubting Thomas. I always wanted proof and my proof came in the form of this little bird.

And I know Digger is still with me. Sometimes I feel his presence. And one night not long ago he was in my dreams. In my dream I was out in the country walking on a dirt road. I was lost and scared. Then I came to a fork in the road. One direction continued on through the peaceful countryside, the other direction went up a hill to a dark and scary house. To the side of the road perching on a log there was Digger. I was scared and unsure of which direction to take. But he was there saying, “I’m right here.”

The following day I received a phone call at work. An event had occurred in my personal life and I was going to have to make a decision. I believe that’s why Digger came to me in my dreams. I believe he will always be with me. I used to tell him he had a guardian angel but I believe that he is mine. And at the risk of sounding corny, there’s a song by Diane Warren from the movie “Pearl Harbor” that makes me think of Digger every time I hear it.

“In my dreams I’ll always see you

soar above the sky.

In my heart there’ll always be a place for you,

for all my life.

I’ll keep a part of you with me.

And everywhere I am there you’ll be.”